Communication Analysis

This week was a strange week on a few different levels. As the week began, I once again felt like one of those performers who miraculously work to spin multiple porcelain plates atop narrow rods. As one begins to spin, so does another, and another, and so on. If you've ever witnessed this, you might hold you breath in anticipation of one or many plates dropping to the ground and coming to a dramatic CRASH!

Needless to say, I realized just how much I had piling up in my life. Yet, this was not the first time I had a feeling such as this. In instances such as these, I truly worry that I will be unable to keep my head level enough to communicate clearly to those around me. When I began our assignment for the week, and realized I would have to both analyze my communication skills along with have two other individuals analyze me, I couldn't help but feel a little worried. My own lowered self-esteem left me feeling worried about how others perceive my abilities to interact effectively.

My boyfriend, the man who most often takes the brunt of my rants, rambles, and frustrations, is also the person who participates in analyzing my self reflections. He and I communicate exceptionally well when working to understand the reasons behind our frustrations, but also when devising plans to continue to evolve in a positive way. When his results on both assessments were only one point away from where I scored myself, there wasn't exactly a surprise as much as a relief. It was comforting to see how well he truly knows me and understands my motivations behind interactions. In the past, I had struggled with remaining true to myself while in a relationship. This current relationship that I am in has been the first that I, for many factors, have seemingly been able to remain transparent in my wants, needs, opinions, and beliefs.

 This primarily resulted in my decision to invite two people whom I hold close to my heart, but also know me in situations such as the one I was experiencing along with the many other levels of my emotional being. My little sister, and toughest most marvelous critic, along with my boyfriend were the lucky winners. My sister, 3 years younger than me, has always felt the wrath of my "bad side". As many sisters experience, we fought constantly. It wasn't until we were older that we began to get along better. Yet, I still had this flighting feeling that she perceives me in a totally different light than I do myself. When she had sent me her results from the assessments though, and was no further than 2 points away from where I had scored my own self, I was amazed. No matter how many ugly fights we had gotten in over totally irrational things, my sister is able to see me as a balanced communicator. Granted, my assessment result within the Verbal Aggressiveness Scale was not even close to the "mild" range, the results we had both gotten were results that I am very comfortable with. Both my sister and myself both see my abilities to stand up for what I believe in while refraining from knocking someone else down. This skill can be extremely useful, especially when working as an advocate. We so often need to be able to speak up for what we believe in in ways that not only avoid hurting the feelings of those whom we are speaking to, but do so in an effective enough way that evokes change.