Lilly* has a birthday coming up. This year she turns 6. Her birthday this year will be different that any other. This year her party will run by her aunt and father. About two months ago, Lilly's mom was diagnosed with an aggressive form of breast cancer. She had found a lump in her breast during a self check, and within two weeks she was scheduling a double mastectomy and searching for a quality oncologist to provide her treatments. At first, I didn't think Lilly knew what was happening. Her older sister, who turned 9 last month, has talked with me several times, each time leading on that she knows far more than her young self understands.
A few weeks ago, I was able to spend the day with Lilly and her siblings as her parents went to one of Mom's chemotherapy appointments. While together, I asked Lilly how her mom was doing. She confidently told me that Mommy was good, and then leaned in to whisper in my ear that Mommy's hair was gone. She paused, and then looked at me with a hidden look of concern. I realized in that moment that Lilly wanted me to help her understand why things have become different. I used to be her teacher, and have continued to be a constant presence in her life. Yet at this moment, I knew how important it was that I helped Lilly know that if anything, she wasn't alone. I talk with Lilly more frequently about how she can help, and how it's okay to be scared. As a child of a two-time cancer survivor, I know how important it is to have someone near to talk with, hide with, and rely on.
Thinking of Lilly and her family, as well as my own experiences, I have begun to wonder what supports are available to children and families afflicted by extreme sickness. My younger sister, a medical student, has been including me on the information she has come across while looking into service opportunities. One specific project she is hoping to join is a project that provides emotional and medical supports to women and their families whom are affected by breast cancer. The specific programs serves families in villages in Africa. The services not only serve to provide treatment for the women with cancer, but also to provide their children with the supports they need. Along with those services, the organization provides families with resources about how they can personally support their children in the process.
I think that it is incredible that you are able to support the family with your knowledge, experience, and caring. I know how difficult it is to lose a parent to cancer as an adult--I cannot imagine the trauma faced by a child in those circumstances. I lost my father almost ten years ago, after a battle with the disease that was mostly hidden from me through an estranged relationship. I still have unanswered questions, with no answers in sight. The fact that you are willing to share your experiences, provide support and listen will be invaluable to the girls and the rest of the family along this journey.
ReplyDeleteWow. My heart goes out to this little girl and her family. It is so nice that you are able to be there to care for her and the family. I am glad that you are there for her. I know what it is like to lose a parent as an adult as well. The only problem was that we had no idea what it was that she died from. She had an infectious disease and we think she might have picked it up while she was teaching English in China for a year. Nothing against China. My mom made a really good friend while she was there, and when this lady found out that my mother passed away, she was truly upset by the loss. I hope that you are able to continue to give this girl and her family the help and resources and information that they need.
ReplyDeleteBlessings to this family! I can only imagine what it would be like to experience the death of an immediate loved one. Being that the child was young, it must've been difficult to explain this to the child. And it is natural for a child to feel a certain way because they feel like something very dear has been removed from their life. I was told not long ago, just as one prepares to live, one must prepare to depart this earth; how easy or hard is this for a child to understand?
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